March 2000
I Began Working For MY EMPLOYER
Because my job with FORMER EMPLOYER required a great deal of overnight travel, THE DEVIL insisted that I find another job and took it upon itself to find one for me. It noticed a POSITION with MY EMPLOYER in the newspaper and, even though it was very well aware that I had no desire to work in this field because of the associated risks and dangers, it insisted that I apply. I eventually gave in to its demands as I knew the chances of me getting hired were slim to none.
I began working for MY EMPLOYER on the same 7-week rotation that I now work. THE DEVIL has never taken the time to (or maybe it just isn't intelligent enough to) understand this rotation, which causes problems in our parenting schedule.
THE DEVIL’s handwritten notes:
Good Luck on your 1st day <3
I love you & am so proud of you
T&T
PS We love you
and...
have a nice day
& hope class is going well for you.
T&T
August 2000
THE DEVIL’s Second Difficult Pregnancy
THE DEVIL incubation period was again made difficult because of its histrionic personality and proneness to hypochondria. It was constantly nauseous and, again, at times, "needed" IV fluids. I again took several weeks off from work to take care of it, our 3-year-old daughter, and our home.
THE PSYCHIATRIST’S Report, Psychopathology, p. 13: “The significant elevation of 2 of the major clinical scales (Scales 3 and 1) most commonly reflects a hysterical neurosis in which psychological stress and problems are converted in to physical symptoms. The significant elevation of Scale 1 usually reflects features of a hypochondriac…”
THE PSYCHIATRIST’S Report, Psychopathology, p. 13: “THE DEVIL is prone to providing somatic explanations for its difficulties in life. Its symptoms may provide THE DEVIL with extensive secondary gains by allowing it to avoid or to say no to unwanted demands or enable it to gain special attention and considerations. This contributes to others seeing THE DEVIL as much more self-centered, demanding, irritable, and emotional than it sees itself.”
· Histrionic Personality Disorder (need to be center of attention, easily influenced)
· Dependent Personality Disorder (difficulty making decisions, excessive need for support)
August 2000
Our Sleeping Arrangements
While incubating OUR SON, THE DEVIL claimed to be concerned that I would hurt it in my sleep and demanded that I sleep in OUR DAUGHTER’s bed; OUR DAUGHTER slept with THE DEVIL.
Not only had I now withdrawn physically from our marriage, but more and more I was distancing myself from THE DEVIL emotionally as well. Even after OUR SON’s birth, I continued to sleep in OUR DAUGHTER’s bed or on the living room sofa for the 2 remaining years of our marriage. THE DEVIL and I weren’t intimate during this time.
This sleeping arrangement had nothing to do with its illnesses or with me having a girlfriend (I didn’t have one). I didn’t like THE DEVIL and could no longer tolerate being near it. It treated me disrespectfully, didn’t trust me, called me names, insulted me and my family, refused to listen to me, wouldn’t allow me to parent our children, and was unreasonable and controlling. It taught OUR DAUGHTER not to respect me as a parent and to “tell on me,” and often told her that I had a girlfriend. About once a month, THE DEVIL would tell me that it was okay for me to sleep in our bed that night, but I always responded with “No thanks” or “I don’t think so.”
My Medical Diagnosis
Despite THE DEVIL’s claims, I was never unfaithful to it. In fact, I saw a doctor during the time that we weren’t intimate and was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate – or benign prostatic hyperpasia – due to a lack of sexual activity. THE DEVIL and I didn’t communicate well, and I didn’t discuss my diagnosis with it. I was hurt that THE DEVIL thought that I took my marriage vows so lightly, even though I’d nursed it through two bouts of cancer and had waited on it through two difficult pregnancies.
November 2000
11/28/00 – THE DEVIL’s Apology
TOKEN MALE,
.....Honey, I am sorry for being upset and blaming you for not communicating a game plan with me. I get frustrated never knowing from one minute to the next what[']s going on plus I[’]ve had some other frustrations lately as well. Mostly with trying to get OUR DAUGHTER to sleep, through the night, and back on a schedule.
I guess I just realized most of the circumstances were out of your control. I guess when you called last night would have been an opportunity [to apologize and explain itself] but OUR DAUGHTER woke up after being in bed for hours and I had to get her back to sleep. Plus I was exhausted. I[’]ve been so tired lately and I don’t know why. I feel like I[']ve had no sleep.
Then when you got home from work I was asleep so I understand. I didn’t want to wake you this morning to ask because I knew you also needed your sleep. The whole thing was bad circumstance and no fault of yours. I love you even though I probably have a hard time expressing it.
...............Love THE DEVIL
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