May-Jul '07: A Comedy of "Vacation" Errors

5/3/07 - My Vacation Notice to the Devil

From: Token Male
To: The Devil
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 10:26 AM
Subject: Re: Memorial Day vs labor Day

Devil: I was able to change my plans for Memorial weekend, so it's not a problem to switch holidays this year. You can have the kids Memorial weekend (5/25-28) and I'll have them Labor Day weekend (8/31-9/3). Also, I'm taking the kids to Disneyland the week daycare is closed in June (6/11-15), so we won't have to make other daycare arrangements for that week. Instead of taking the kids to daycare that Monday, you can just drop them off at my house on your way to work. Token Male

5/3/07 - The Devil's Reply

From: Devil
To: Token Male
Subject: Re: Memorial Day vs labor Day
Date: Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:40:49 PM

Thanks. I hope you have fun at Disneyland!

Love, Peace & Happiness!Devil

The Devil’s Confusion. The devil called me less than a week later to clarify the dates I planned to take the kids to Disneyland (6/11-15). In a panic, it told me that it had just scheduled a camping trip to begin during the time that we were supposed to be at Disneyland! It claimed to have “forgotten” my vacation dates. (More likely, it knew very well what the dates were but was trying to manipulate me in to changing my vacation so it wouldn’t have to change its plans.) Without me bringing it up, it resignedly conceded that this is my priority year for vacations, so at least that wasn’t at issue. I politely explained that I’d already purchased my tickets and reserved my hotel room, so it reluctantly backed down.

6/1/07 - The Devil’s Vacation Notice to Me

From: Devil
Sent: Friday, June 01, 2007 7:46 AM
To: Token Male
Subject: dates

Token

Our Camping Trip will be:
August 6th thru August 9th

then my weekend follows.

I will Cc: you on the e-mail to my mom re: requested dates for her to watch the children.

Thanks!
The Devil

7/16/07 - My Second Vacation Notice to THE DEVIL

Devil,

I will be taking my second vacation with the children this year, which is my priority year, beginning Friday, 7/27. We will again be going to the lake for our annual vacation there with my family. Please let me know whether I should pick them up from daycare that morning or if you’d prefer to drop them off at my house on your way to work. They will remain in my care until 8 p.m. Tuesday, 7/31, when you pick them up from my house.

Token Male

7/17/07 - The Devil's Response

Token Male,

I have a commitment on Thursday July 26th, why don’t you pick the children up on Thursday from daycare and take them to their last swim lesson and keep them over night Thursday. I will pick the children up Tuesday evening (7/31 at 8:00PM) when you return from your vacation.

I would also like to remind you that I am also taking my vacation with the children starting Saturday August 4th through Friday August 10th for our annual camping trip. I will still pick the children up from your house on Friday August 3 rd at 8:00PM. This means the children will be in my care (7/7-7/8).

The Devil

7/20/07 - My Letter to the Devil

Devil,

As we discussed yesterday morning, the following is an outline of our agreement concerning our parenting schedule for the next 3 weeks:

...

7/26-31: I will pick the children up from daycare Thursday, 7/26, and take them to swim lessons. They will remain in my care for our annual trip to the lake and my regular parenting time until Tuesday, 7/31, when you pick them up from my house at 8 p.m.
8/4-10: The children will remain in your care for your annual camping trip and regular parenting time.

Please let me know at your first opportunity if any of the above conflicts with your understanding of our agreement.

Token Male

Could I have been any clearer? Apparently I could’ve...

7/21/07 - The Devil's Angry, Confused Voice Message

Throughout the entire length of THE DEVIL’s frantic voice message, during which it was citing our “court documents,” our children could plainly be heard in the background, so it’s clear that they were within hearing distance of it during its rant at me.

3:05 p.m.: "Token Male, hi, this is THE DEVIL. We have a huge problem. Um, you know, for some reason when I looked at your letter about the vacation, um, I understand it’s your preferred vacation year, but, um, the court documents say that you’re ta let me know by, um, a certain date and, um, I made a camping trip that I informed you about and the kids and I are leaving, the camping trip has been booked for, um. [sigh] We are leaving [sigh]…on our camping trip on, um, August…we are leaving on our camping trip August…3rd, um, Aug-, actually August 4th, and the kids and I will not be back entil [sic] the 10th. Um, unfortunately, Token Male, even though it’s your preferred year, yer da let me know about yer vacation plans, I think it was by May or by the first of June according to the court documents, um, and you did not do that, so if you don’t let me know then I ha-[ve], then I can go ahead and move forward with my vacation plans. Token Male, my vacation plans have been planned fer 3 months now, 2 months now. [See 5/3/07 and 6/1/07 entries.] So, um, I did inform you that I was taking the kids camping and I did inform you of the dates and you did acknowledge those dates so, unfortunately, um, those dates are, are the same dates that I just noticed on the letter. They’re the same dates that you have booked yer vacation to the lake so, um, even though it’s your vacation year and it’s your preferred year, you are required to let me know by a certain date so that I can move forward with my vacation plans and, again, you just informed me of this, um, the date on this letter is July 17th [7/16/07], um, so, unfortunately I’m gonna be taking the kids on vacation, just to let you know, I’m taking the v-[acation] kids on vacation August, Sa- Saturday, August 4th and I will be returning with them on, um, Friday, August 10th, so, um, you need ta give me a call so we can figure this out because, um, fer some reason the kids told me you were leaving this next week and so I thought you were, let’s see…yeah, it says you’re starting Saturday, August 4th through Friday, August 10th, yeah, um, oh wait a minute, no I’m sorry, that’s, I’m confusing your letter with my letter. Oh my God, let’s see, you are…[long pause; quietly, to itself: “let’s see”]…okay, actually…" Click.

3:09 p.m.: "Hi Token Male it’s THE DEVIL. A- disregard my last message. I somehow was looking at the dates that I crossed out on the calendar thinking it was yer dates and it’s actually my dates so I panicked. I do apologize for the miscommunica-[tion] or misunderstanding. I couldn’t delete the message. Um, okay, so I was just calling because, let’s see, yer taking yer vacation beginning Friday the 27th, you’ll be back Friday the 31st. I’m just trying ta figure out the daycare thing, um, I need to just document all the dates and then find out what days we need daycare because the kids don’t start school until the 23rd and so there is actually gonna be, like…almost 2 weeks that we’re gonna need daycare for so, um, the thing is, is I’m gonna ask my mom and if we can pay her then, um, the only thing is the kids are gonna be in at my mom's so I don’t know how that’s gonna work. Um, they’re gonna havta be there, like, Monday through Friday, so I don’t know, um, anyway I will try ta figure this out. I don’t know, I’m just a little confused about all this. So, um, anyway, so the vac-[ation] yer vacation dates are fine, my vacation dates are fine and, um, I’m just tryin’ ta coordinate some daycare. Alright. Thanks. Bye."

4:15 p.m.: Poor, Poor Devil...

From: “The Devil”
To: “incubator”
Cc: “Token Male”
Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2007 4:15 PM

Incubator,

Token Male is taking the children on vacation this coming Friday-Tuesday (7/27-7/31) so the children will not be in my care. Yes, it is my weekend to have the kids but it is Token Male’s priority vacation this year.*

I am taking the children on vacation the week of (8/4-8/10) Monday through Friday.

THE DEVIL
Thanks

The devil

Love, Peace & Happiness!
The devil

(And, yes, that really is how it signed off on its email (not the name, but the number of times it repeated its name.)

*There it goes…playing the victim again. It doesn’t matter if it was my husband’s “priority vacation this year.” Unless they’re associated with a holiday, vacations trump regular parenting days. Period. That’s why THE DEVIL had the children on my husband’s parenting days during its camping trip 8/4-8/10/07. My husband’s regular parenting days are 8/7-9 but you didn’t see him bellyaching that THE DEVIL was taking his regular parenting days for its vacation with the kids. Because that’s the way it works!

7/22/07 - Response to the Devil’s Voice Messages

DEVIL,

Unfortunately, yes, I did receive your 7/21 3:05 p.m. voice message. And although it wasn’t particularly pleasant for me to have to listen to your unwarranted reprimand, what I find even more offensive is that you chose to leave this scathing message in the presence of our children as they could clearly be heard in the background throughout the entire length. As I and our daughter’s former therapist have conveyed to you many, many times, it is not appropriate to discuss our court orders or your issues with me—imaginary or real—in our children’s presence. It’s called “parental alienation.” It’s child abuse. It’s documented. And it’s got to stop.

What’s more, your most recent angry retort is just one in a long string of documented incidences of your tendency to harass me by “flying off the handle” and reacting without facts. Your “petulantly demanding behaviors…contributes to others seeing you as much more self-centered, demanding, irritable, and emotional than you see yourself” (The Devil's Psychiatrist). To put it bluntly: your behavior makes my life unnecessarily stressful. Sure, you apologized once you’d recognized your gaffe, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still had to endure the entire length of your tirade as I tried to figure out “what now?”

Following are excerpts of our most recent exchanges re our respective vacations with the children:

• Your 6/1 email: “Our Camping Trip will be: August 6th thru August 9th then my weekend follows.”
• My 7/16 letter: “I will be taking my second vacation with the children this year…beginning Friday, 7/27. We will again be going to the lake … They will remain in my care until 8 p.m. Tuesday, 7/31, when you pick them up from my house.”
• Your 7/17 letter: “I have a commitment on Thursday July 26th, why don’t you pick the children up on Thursday from daycare and take them to their last swim lesson and keep them over night Thursday. I will pick the children up Tuesday evening (7/31 at 8:00PM) when you return from your vacation.”
• My 7/20 letter: “7/26-31: I will pick the children up from daycare Thursday, 7/26, and take them to swim lessons. They will remain in my care for our annual the lake trip and my regular parenting time until Tuesday, 7/31, when you pick them up from my house at 8 p.m. 8/4-10: The children will remain in your care for your annual camping trip and regular parenting time.”
• Your 7/21, 3:05 p.m. voice message: [See transcript above.]
• Your 7/21, 3:09 p.m. voice message: [See transcript above.]

Your behavior proves my point in my 6/17/07 e-mail: “If you were truly acting in the best interests of our children, rather than lashing out from a position of fear, you’d think about how your behavior negatively affects them…and you’d work with others instead of against them.” You “panicked” and attacked me from a position of fear rather than a position based on facts. This wouldn’t have happened if you’d taken the time to get your facts straight before confronting me.

Given the clarity of our prior communications, I cannot comprehend how you managed to jump to the conclusion that I intended to infringe upon your 8/4-10 vacation time with the children.
Please, devil, for our children’s sake and our ability to successfully co-parent our children for the rest of their lives, I beseech you to at least speak to me in a civil tone as the children’s co-parent. Your loathing, distrust and disrespect are unwarranted and at the very least should not be displayed in the presence of our children. Our lives would be much less stressful if you would simply take the time to gather your facts before going on the attack. And our children’s future relationships would be healthier, as well…especially our daughter's. Children most strongly identify with their same-sex parent, so it’s critical for the success of our children’s future relationships that you consider what your behavior is teaching them: that men have no value for anything other than a paycheck, that it will not only be acceptable but normal for our daughter to verbally abuse men and, as a male, our son really doesn’t matter.

Stop. For everyone’s sake: just stop.

Token Male