BACKGROUND: THE DEVIL called MY employer-sponsored medical plan and lied to/intimidated an inexperienced customer service rep to change MY plan without being authorized to do so.
Here is the fallout from THE DEVIL's deceit:
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Tuesday, 7/8. THE DEVIL called MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER and spoke with Saul to change the children’s primary care physician. It isn’t authorized to make changes to my medical plan, but lied to Saul, assuring him that I’d approved the change, that it doesn’t get along with me, and that we don’t communicate well. Saul made the change on 7/16.
Wednesday, 7/16.
I got off graves Tuesday morning at 8a. I usually don’t nap following my last day of graves so I can get back on track and sleep that night, so I hadn’t slept in 28 hours when I went to bed at 10p Tuesday night. I was still asleep when MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER called this morning and didn’t get any of their calls.
Friday, 7/18. 10:18a, 60m 25s: I returned MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER’s 7/16 message from Saul. Lisa S. answered. While not a verbatim transcript, the preceding is an accurate representation of the statements, tone, logic and intent of the parties involved in this dispute.
Lisa verified who I was and informed me that OUR
way to do this would be to patch THE DEVIL in to our call. I was apprehensive about this, but agreed. I gave Lisa THE DEVIL’s cell phone number, and Lisa called THE DEVIL with me on the line. THE DEVIL answered. It was at work, but so was I.
Lisa: “Hi, I’m Lisa from MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER. I’ve got your ex-husband Token Male on the phone with me for a three-way conference call, and we’re trying to figure out
how you were able to change his medical insurance.”
THE DEVIL: “They’re my kids and I can change their doctor if I want to!”
Lisa deferred to me and remained silent, listening for a good couple of minutes while I tried to reason with THE DEVIL.
Me: “You need to understand that, the thing is, you can’t change my insurance.”
THE DEVIL: “Well you said it was okay.” [LIE]
Me: “You know what? You’re a liar because I never said that. You didn’t even ask me if you could change their doctor. I’m not opposed to changing their doctor, but I’m upset that you didn’t tell me.”
THE DEVIL: “I don’t have to tell you, I’m their mother. And you know that I’ve never liked PEDIATRICIAN 1, and that she and I have never gotten along and I’ve wanted to change doctors for a long time.”
Me: “No, I didn’t.”
THE DEVIL and I went back and forth for about 10 minutes; it yelling while I remained calm. Lisa also tried talking to THE DEVIL, but THE DEVIL continued to yell. I told THE DEVIL a couple of times that it needed to stop yelling: that I couldn’t explain anything with it yelling, but it just kept on. Lisa remained calm, tactful, and very positive even though THE DEVIL grew increasingly aggressive and argumentative with her.
Lisa: “Token Male is saying he didn’t give you authorization, is that what you’re saying Token Male?”
Me: “Right, I didn’t give it authorization.”
THE DEVIL: “Who does he think he is: he makes appointments with the kids’ dentist and doesn’t even tell me!” [LIE]
Me: “That’s not true, but we’re not talking about the dentist, we’re talking about the doctor. All I want to do is make sure you’re clear that you can’t change my insurance.”
THE DEVIL: “I’m entitled to make any changes I want [LIE]; you’re just beating a dead horse.”
Lisa: “Do you want to keep the doctor PEDIATRICIAN 2?”
Me: “Yeah, that’s never been a problem with me. My problem is that it didn’t check with me first.”
THE DEVIL: “I have court documents saying that I have 55% custody and he only has 45% [LIE] so I have more than half legal custody and I can make decisions. [LIE]” [We have 50/50 shared legal custody; we do not have a court order giving it the right to make changes to my medical plan.]
Me: “I’m not talking about you making decisions.”
Lisa (to THE DEVIL): “You need to produce a court order; you can’t just change the doctor on Token Male’s medical plan without his permission.”
THE DEVIL: “Well I have court documents.” [LIE]
Lisa: “That’s great, why don’t you get those court documents together and fax them to me right away.”
THE DEVIL: “I don’t know where it’s at. I don’t even have an attorney anymore; I pretty much let her go.”
Lisa: “I’m sorry DEVIL, you’re going to have to provide that document to us right away, and as soon as you do we can make that change for you.”
THE DEVIL (snottily, to me): “Why don’t you just have your paralegal wife do it?”
Lisa: “We’re not asking Token Male to provide the paperwork: we’re asking you.”
Lisa had to repeat this three times when THE DEVIL brought up the non-existent court order.
THE DEVIL (dismissively): “Well, I’ve got to get back to work; I have someone at my desk.” And then angrily at me, “And another thing, I don’t appreciate you calling me and harassing me at work about changing their stupid doctor.”
Lisa: “He didn’t call you: I called you because of the change. Just get those court documents to me; put my name on the fax. It’ll take about a month to process once we get it, but until you get that to me I can’t have you making any changes.”
We ended the call.
that it’s very obvious that you have your kids’ best interests in mind. You handled that very well: that’s not typical. Usually other people just fight and yell and hang up on each other.” I said that I’m used to dealing with THE DEVIL. She suggested that I prepare and fax a letter to MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER outlining what happened and letting them know that THE DEVIL has no right to make any changes to my medical plan so there’s no confusion and to avoid any possibility of this happening again (which I faxed on
Token Male,
I want to apologize for changing the children's primary care doctor without your consent. I in no way intended any harm and in no way even for once thought this would be an issue for you.
I did not realize you had a preference as our children have seen all the SRMC doctors at one point or another.
Unfortunately, as stated in our 3 way conversation with MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER, I cannot undo the phone call which I made. All I can do is agree that from this point forward, I will make no changes or appointments without discussing it with you beforehand, with this said, it needs to go both ways. On at least a dozen occasions you have taken both children to dental appointments which I had no prior knowledge of, even after my request to please be informed. [See Kids’ Dental Appointments narrative.]
Again, the past is the past, all we can do going forth is agree to advise one another of any appointments and or changes to policies.
Hopefully this sounds fair.
Again I do apologize.
I did not respond. But THE DEVIL just doesn’t get it. I didn’t object to it changing the kids’ pediatrician; I objected to it deceitfully changing MY health plan when it does not have the authority to do so!
I don’t understand why THE DEVIL can’t just admit when it’s done something wrong and apologize without pointing fingers. But not only did it pull this ridiculous stunt, it then accused again that “On at least a dozen occasions you have taken both children to dental appointments which I had no prior knowledge of, even after my request to please be informed.” This is not true and I am tired of its false accusations…this one in particular! Does it seriously not realize yet that I document, document, document to protect myself against its lies? See Kids’ Dental
Appointments narrative.
Not only does it owe me an apology for changing the children’s doctor without discussing it with me first, it also owes me one for the deceptive manner in which it did it and for its continued lies about me not telling it about the kids’ dental appointments.
And it’s right: it “cannot undo the phone call” that it made…or the lie that it told or its derogatory remarks about me. But I don’t believe for a minute that it’s sorry for doing any of
these things (otherwise it wouldn’t do them). No, it’s just sorry that it got caught.
PROVIDER:
Token Male,
I just spoke to Lamar at MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER, he is sending two sets of Insurance cards to your address, because you are the subscriber and your address is on the card.
One of the sets of insurance cards are [sic] intended for me to carry and I would appreciate if you would please notify me and give them to me when they come in.
I will also be faxing the requested court document to Lamar to process I n their system.
Lamar shared with me that you were contacted by phone on Wednesday of my proposed request to have the children's primary care doctor changed and he said that you approved the change on Wednesday with Saul which you did not share. Therefore I am very confused about your "intent" of this 3 way call this morning, especially when we could have resolved it without involving MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER?
My Response:
Devil,
I’ll give you the children’s MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER ID cards once I receive them.
Concerning our court orders: please either give me a photocopy of the particular page or let
me know which document the language giving each of us the right to change our children’s physicians without the knowledge or consent of the other is written in. I am convinced that it doesn’t exist because I would never have approved the inclusion of such language had it ever
been suggested because as co-parents neither of us should have that right or ability.
And to answer your question: I “did not share” with you that I’d “approved the change on Wednesday with Saul” because I didn’t. I’ve never spoken to Saul at MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER, nor did I approve this change on 7/16. What would be my motive for lying about something like that and escalating it with a three-way phone call? According to Lisa, the woman we spoke with Friday, there’s nothing in their record of conversation to indicate that MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER had my approval. So either Lamar lied to you or Saul made up a conversation that didn’t happen to cover his butt.
Here’s what happened: MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER called me on July 16 on my cell phone three times (8:21 a.m., 8:26 a.m., and 9.08 a.m.) and once on my house phone (9:09 a.m.).
I’d gotten off graves Tuesday morning and hadn’t slept in 28 hours when I went to bed Tuesday night, so I was still asleep when MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER called Wednesday morning and I didn’t get any of their calls. I took the kids to
our call. That was the intent of Friday’s 3-way call: to clarify why you’d changed the kids’ doctor.
I wouldn’t have objected to this change, but I’m concerned and upset about the underhanded way that you did this: that you chose to not only do it without my knowledge or consent, but
that you then lied to MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER by telling them that you had my consent. It’s in their record of conversation with you that you told them that not only did you have my consent but that I was difficult to deal with.
Lisa apologized profusely and expressed concern that MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER didn’t follow procedures. She assured me that this would not happen again, and she urged me to
register a complaint with MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER, which I will do in the next day or so.
But you knew that what you were doing was wrong even as you were doing it. The big difference between you and me is that I go out of my way to do the right thing for the sake of our children because it’s the right thing to do and will ultimately benefit them, whereas you have no problem doing whatever the hell you want to do and only apologize when you get caught. You are not a trustworthy co-parent, and it troubles me that I cannot trust the mother of my children.
Thursday,
On
I first learned of this on 7/18 when I returned a 7/16 voice message from Saul. I spoke to Lisa S. who patched THE DEVIL in for a three-way conference call. It quickly became evident that
THE DEVIL lied to and pressured Saul at MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER to make this
unauthorized change. THE DEVIL has since written: “I want to apologize for changing the children’s primary care doctor without your consent… Unfortunately, as stated in our 3 way conversation with MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER, I cannot undo the phone call which I made. All I can do is agree that from this point forward, I will make no changes…without discussing it with you beforehand.”
Regardless, I approved this change after-the-fact on 7/18; however, I have been advised to send this fax to you so that it is perfectly clear that THE DEVIL does NOT have the right to make changes to my medical plan. It has never had that right and I don’t understand how this was allowed to happen and why I should have to protect myself and my family by instructing you not to break your own rules.
Furthermore, on 7/18, THE DEVIL sent me an email stating, “I will also be faxing the requested court document to Lamar to process in their system.* Lamar shared with me that you were
contacted by phone on Wednesday [7/16] of my proposed request to have the children’s primary care doctor changed and he said that you approved the change on Wednesday with Saul… Therefore I am very confused about your “intent” of this 3 way call this morning…”
First: Lamar’s claim that I approved THE DEVIL’s request with Saul on 7/16 is completely false, and I’m not sure if this is THE DEVIL’s lie, Lamar’s lie or Saul’s. Second: I am very concerned that MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER continues to discuss my medical plan with THE DEVIL. This is a clear violation of my and my family’s privacy. I am, therefore, instructing MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER to discontinue all communication with THE DEVIL concerning my
medical plan and any dependents covered under my plan (to include me and my wife, children and stepchildren): All future requests and inquiries received by MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER from THE DEVIL will be redirected to me.
I would appreciate a written response to this notification. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Token Male
*Please notify me immediately if and when THE DEVIL faxes a court order to MY HEALTHCARE PROVIDER stipulating that it has the right to make changes to my medical plan without my authorization. Such a document does not exist and I will pursue this matter separately with it through the Court should it choose to continue its deception by fabricating a court order.
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